How to Meet, Connect and Build a Relationship in 18 Minutes
“It’s not what you know but who you know,” as they say. But who has time for that?
I want to be in relationship but I have so much to do. I want to be a human being but demands on my time push me toward a human doing. This tension manifests itself when I am invited to network or connect. Sometimes I think about the people I know or want to know. It would be enjoyable and helpful to connect, but there’s just not enough time.
But then again, it used to seem like there wasn’t enough time to stand in front of a crowd to convey a substantial and meaningful message. Enter TED talks. They are “long enough to be serious and short enough to hold people’s attention,” says TED curator Chris Anderson, who imposed the time limit.
He goes on to explain that “by forcing speakers who are used to going on for 45 minutes to bring it down to 18, you get them to think about what they really want to say.”
What if 18 minutes became the new standard length for meetings?
You might protest: TED talks are one-way communication; it would be too rushed to have a back-and-forth dialogue in that amount of time. But would it? Consider Parkinson’s Law, that, “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.” And maybe we can blame it on Outlook that the default options for meeting durations are 30 and 60 minutes.
The next time you think that you don’t have the time to build or strengthen a relationship or can’t have a meaningful, productive meeting in 18 minutes, try this agenda:
- Connect (3 minutes). The purpose of a meeting’s start is to draw people toward each other. This is where we exchange pleasantries, establish shared connections, ask a “warm-up” question and, if appropriate, provide a quick summary of our work.
- Give (4 minutes). I recently wrote about research showing that people who give more, succeed more often. If we’re prepared, we can give insights afforded by our expertise, we can give invitations, we can give some of our relationship capital by making other introductions and, if appropriate, we can give relevant gifts.
- Discover (7 minutes). We deepen human connections when we listen and learn. Seven minutes is enough time to briefly discuss circumstances, interests, aspirations and challenges. Questions have to be intentional, thought-provoking and safe to maximize this short window.
- Transition (4 minutes). We might propose a recommendation, next steps and express gratitude for meeting. Here we transition from learning to moving. This step brings closure to the meeting, lays groundwork for sustainability and prompts action.
Maybe you have hours to work on your relationships. I wish I did. When we don’t have the time, let’s not resign ourselves to forgoing live connections.
What’s the next coffee or get-to-know-you meeting on your calendar? Send the other person this post, and ask them to shorten the invitation to 18 minutes.
Matt, thanks for challenging us (there’s that word again) to think differently. One thing upon which I would ask you to reflect: should the “Discover” portion come before the “Give” section?
I seem to do a better job giving when I understand another’s situation and point of view first. Just a thought.
Jeff, thank you for the comment and consideration on discovering before giving. I, too, have found that discovery can help me to tailor what I give; though I’ve also found that people are more willing to be discovered after they know that we care enough to give. Perhaps it could be viewed as an iterative process!