A Resolution for Getting UnStuck

In last week’s blog, Matt described what he’s learning from “Yoda,” the marriage counselor we recently started seeing. Matt received many comments, both online and in person, thanking him for his willingness to create a space where there is permission for the hard and the messy things in life. He and I had a follow-up conversation about the power of transparency in this, and that’s when he asked me (his wife, Kari) to guest blog with some additional perspectives and year-end food for thought.

The irony is, our marriage is about as strong and happy as it’s ever been. Nothing dire. We just got tired of feeling stuck year after year in a few areas that were holding us back. We had minimized these stuck spots, spun them and avoided them. But when we were honest with ourselves, they were still there, and they weren’t getting any easier. So we finally decided to pick up the phone and do something about it.

Why hadn’t we done that sooner?

Well, it required real honesty. And humility! And work. And inconvenience. And expense…

Those things are HARD. Capital “H” Hard.

It is easier to ignore, to persist in cruise control with that same old rattle in the engine. But what’s the risk, and what’s the reward?

In a matter of even a few short weeks, Yoda, our objective third party, has provided a number of really helpful insights for each of us. He’s enabling us to see things with fresh eyes. He is coaching. He is role-playing. He is taking past scenarios, projecting them forward and challenging us to engage in and react to them differently. It is making us stronger.

I read Matt’s blog every week and encourage him in his work. I’ve always appreciated what he and his colleagues at Dale Carnegie do. Their brand narrative says:

We see your spark…We see the inherent abilities hidden within you. We help you with the hard stuff—the things that intimidate you, that hold you back, the skills that really matter. That’s why we invest our time, energy and skill in helping you bring out your inner voice and channel it into positive results.

As 2015 comes to a close, here’s a toast to all the Yodas of the world. To the counselors, the trainers, the coaches in every realm. To the friend who says a hard thing, in love, that makes you better.

And as 2016 unfolds, here’s a challenge:

Where are you stuck?

Really—where?

Maybe it’s at work or at home. In a relationship. In a big area or a small one. The thing you see clearly or the thing you’re trying to ignore. The one you pretend isn’t there but know actually is.

Now ask yourself why you haven’t done anything about it. Humility? Hard work? Inconvenience? Expense?

Be honest with your response. And then consider whether it’s time to pick up the phone!

• Tweet
• 
• 

Comments

comments