The Value of Analyzing Relationships and Where to Invest Your Time
You can treat everyone well. But you can’t invest equal time in every relationship.
The reality is that time and energy are limited. And that can lead you to have surface relationships with everyone. But your limits can also become the impetus for you to get really clear about who and what you’ll focus on.
How do you discern what relationships to invest in?
Here’s a metaphor that might help.
Raising the Pitch
Musicians commonly use a capo to raise the pitch of a fretted instrument so that they can play in a different key using the same fingerings as they would when playing open (i.e., without a capo). In effect, a capo uses a fret of an instrument to create a new nut at a higher note than the instrument’s actual nut. The word derives from the Italian “capotasto,” which means the nut of a stringed instrument.
Just like a capo raises the pitch of a stringed instrument, you can follow the acronym C.A.P.O. (chemistry, access, potential, and outcome) to decide when to raise the pitch of a relationship.
For example, in the external-facing part of my job, I personally do work for about 40 organizations every year. Every one of them gets my best. But only five of them get my all. I really do like working with all of my clients, but I love working with these five. It’s a culture-values fit, and they appreciate me, too. That’s chemistry.
In the case of these five, I have personal access to their senior leaders. They view me as a confidant and peer. Each of the five has more potential for value. The work we’re doing is growing in scope and/or impact. And outcomes can be measured or demonstrated. In some cases, the metrics are anecdotal, in others, they’re documented; in all cases the ROI justifies the relationship.
This formula applies to colleagues, friends, and any other relationships where you can choose to invest discretionary effort. Each requires discernment about when, and with whom, to raise the pitch.
The Value of Analyzing Relationships
A few years ago, someone I liked asked me to help his company. They were struggling with a lack of leadership and accountability. From our conversation, I could tell that this company didn’t invest much in its people. They were overly cost-conscious and maintained a top-down hierarchical approach to management.
“Let me talk to some of your leaders,” I said. “Don’t worry about paying me yet.”
I should have known better.
The only way I could get access to these leaders, given their operational responsibility, was to go to their office early in the morning. I sacrificed my morning and time with family to spend several hours with them. After intense interviews, I left to write up a detailed summary and analysis. Later, I returned to review the materials with my contact and provided a heartfelt recommendation.
Now typically, I would have agreed upfront to bill for this initial phase of work, because it had value. But here, I figured, this was someone I knew. And he seemed well-intentioned with me.
But after my thoughtful and carefully prepared analysis had been delivered, he went radio silent. No returned calls or emails. Finally, several months later, he responded politely but shortly that they were going to stay with the status quo.
Why did I invest so much time, I wondered, without any upfront commitment? Maybe if I’d analyzed the relationship, I would have realized that:
- While we had personal chemistry, our values were misaligned. I’m in the business of people and culture development. He showed little interest in that, apart from a recognition of his people problem.
- I did have full access. That wasn’t an issue.
- They did have potential, if they would be willing to make a commitment to change.
- No past successes in people or culture improvement had been demonstrated. And they weren’t clear with me about what organizational outcomes they expected to improve by addressing their leadership and culture issue.
Spending five minutes early in the process to analyze these four criteria would have saved me hours of time and frustration.
Perhaps for you, it’s a friend relationship that needs to be analyzed. Or maybe it’s someone on your team. Consider these questions about whether to raise the pitch:
- Chemistry: How well do we connect personally and align in values?
- Access: How often does this person show up and open up?
- Potential: How strong do I see this relationship becoming?
- Outcomes: What positive results have been or are being shown?
Everyone deserves to be treated well. But it’s only practical to raise the pitch with a handful. Who will they be?
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