Could Your Brain Use Some Obedience Training?

Does your mind sometimes have a “mind of its own”?

Last Thursday night mine thought obsessively about work while I wished it would think of questions to ask my kids about their day. On Valentine’s Day, it wanted to stay up late watching a movie that I knew my wife wouldn’t enjoy.

My mind is pretty much endlessly selfish. It worries, it ruminates, it’s restless and it’s self-preoccupied.

It’s just like our new puppy.

“Happy” joined our family a few days before the end of 2013. She chews my shoes, runs across the room dragging toilet paper, and bites our kids constantly. Whenever they move quickly in the house, she starts sprinting laps through the kitchen. We’ve installed gates and fences—and now wake up to howls in the morning.

Obedience training officially started two weeks ago. It’s become a good reminder for me of the need to train our own minds.

Daniel Goleman first introduced me to the concept, in Primal Leadership, that our brain consists of two competing engines: The “limbic brain” (which is the first to develop) drives emotions, impulses and intuition, whereas the “cortex” applies self-control, logic and systematic thinking. It’s helpful for our kids, and for me, to remember that we all have a puppy in our heads, which is our limbic brain.

How can leaders apply the lessons of puppy training to better manage the limbic brain?

1. Appreciate your emotions. As many crazy things as Happy does, I still think she’s awesome. I play with her on the floor, I gaze at her in wonder, and I post pictures on Instagram.

Contrast that with the self-loathing we often experience when our own emotions, impulses and intuition head in the wrong direction.

Our emotions are what make us human. As leaders, emotions are how we forge authentic connections with others – our employees, our customers, our colleagues – even when it’s painful.

2. Watch for triggers, and be ready to accommodate. When the dog walks to the back door, we run to open it. If we don’t, we’ll find her peeing on the floor. When she is hyper and biting, we give her time and space to be alone.

How does that compare to the way we respond to the needs of our limbic brain?

When our mind wants to let out our true self, emotions or desires, we often want to keep it behind closed doors, drowning it out with TV or other distractions. When you’re mindful of what’s going on in your mind—whether it’s something you need to express or something you need to address—you’ll recognize the triggers and be better prepared to take action.

3. Don’t feed the demons. When Happy is trying to get attention, she bites your pant-leg or your hands, and it hurts. Turn 180 degrees away from her and stand still, though, and she loses all interest. Once you stop feeding the attention seeking, the destructive behavior stops.

Likewise, our limbic brain screams for attention in sometimes destructive ways. It begs us to ruminate over cravings, hurts or fears, to obsess over petty transgressions or perceived slights. The mental drain can be paralyzing. When your thoughts get toxic, do a one-eighty. Sometimes the only way to get the perspective you need is to walk towards what gives you life.

How do you manage the puppy inside your brain?

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