Workplace Collaboration: Do People Actually Want to Work with You?
It’s not easy to get others to want to work with you. In fact, it’s harder than you might think.
Plenty of people have to work with you for a variety of reasons — you’re on the same team, they need your support, you’re selling what they need. So they’re going to be cordial, tolerant, even nice. But their want for you may not be that strong.
And here’s the thing: If people don’t want to work with you, given the option, they won’t.
Now, just because people don’t want to work with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re difficult to get along with. Consider the example of an early 30s financial advisor. He’s a polished, confident, likeable guy. After playing hockey for a well-respected university, he gained experience in the investment field and now works for a reputable investment firm. He attends networking events and conferences, works hard, and gets home for dinner with his family. But he’s overpaid and in over his head. He’s not bringing new clients into the firm, and existing clients prefer to work with the older firm executives.
Or how about the marketing associate who seems to be doing fine work. But her company leaders are looking to restructure the team, and she will likely be eliminated. She’s nice, fun, and competent, but not viewed as essential. She often doesn’t get invited to meetings because she’s viewed as too tactical. People go to her with requests when they have to. She usually produces good work, but someone else could do it just as well.
You can probably think of examples of people who haven’t bought from you, haven’t included you in their meetings, or haven’t prioritized your involvement. Why not?
I know this sounds harsh, but the reason is simple: They don’t have a strong want to work with you.
4 Factors That Will Make People Want to Work with You
If you want to be someone that others consistently want to work with, start by considering these four common traits that I’ve seen in studying the people I and many others have really wanted to work with.
- Be a community giver. What’s your community? Is it a town, an industry, a church, or an organization? Excellent books like Go-Givers Sell More and Give and Take lay out the case for being generous. People who are truly generous don’t do it expecting return, but they get it. People want to work with people that operate from abundance rather than scarcity. How much of your time are you giving just to give? You might say, “Well, I’m too busy to do that.” And that’s fair. But you might become less busy if other people increase their desire to work with you because of what they see you doing. Leaders of ad-hoc committees, fundraising campaigns, team events, and special projects are perceived as valuable by others. Where are you giving?
- Cultivate a magnetic personality. People simply like to be around likeable people. Do you refrain from criticism? Are you appreciative? Do you remember people’s names? Do you smile? Do you listen well and talk about what others want to talk about? Are you confident and engaging? Can you tell compelling stories? Do you resolve disagreements? Are you honest and sincere? Do you manage your anxiety? No one can answer yes to all these questions all the time. The most important question is, do you cultivate these characteristics, or do you just figure that you are who you are and others need to deal with it?
- Hone your messaging. As Donald Miller says, human beings are hard-wired to survive. That means we conserve energy whenever possible. If something seems confusing, we usually reject or dismiss it. We migrate to clarity and simplicity. We also move toward what will help us. This means the messages you give people need to be clear, easily understood, and helpful. That requires focus, effort, and preparation. How will you open that meeting? What questions will engage others? How do you construct your pitch to the client or your team? Hone your message or it will be rejected.
- Discipline your activity. People want to work with people who value their time. You do that by leading productive meetings, following up as promised, and taking profitable action. Profitable action are activities that build value and generate more of a return than they cost. That often means doing the innovate, creative, outside-the-comfort-zone work that others won’t do. For example, I’d rather work with someone who thoroughly researches customers than those who don’t. I’d rather work with someone who sends handwritten thank you notes, makes time for professional development, or make purposeful decisions about their schedule. These are the types who create the most value and make others around them better. Who wouldn’t want to work with them?
Now you might think that integrity, quality, shared values, and hard work are missing from that list. And you might be right. But I’d put those, and perhaps others, in the have to category. If someone is duplicitous, does poor work, isn’t aligned in purpose, or is just plain lazy, then of course you won’t want to work with them. But you hopefully won’t have to for very long.
Consider these four qualities that make people want to work with you. Which of them would make you an even more desirable colleague, partner, or service provider in the coming year?
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