Do You Struggle to Get People to Change Their Mind?
The decision to do or not do something, to support or not support something, to spend money or not spend money on something…despite what you might think, these aren’t logical choices. Decisions are made in the emotional/intuitive part of the brain. So how do you get people to change their mind?
Emotions Over Logic
Research shows that people who have, for one reason or another, lost emotional processes in their brains also lose their decision-making ability. There is more evidence that decisions can be reasoned logically but are actually made emotionally.
Even so, how often do you try to get people to change their mind using logic? You probably end up pretty frustrated with the results. That said, appealing to the emotional side of the brain requires some work.
When you’re appealing to the emotional/intuitive factors in someone’s decision, you have to get access to their emotions and feelings. This is challenging because most people raise a protective guard over their true emotions and feelings, driven by the fight/flight/freeze response of the amygdala.
Therefore, getting someone to commit or change their mind requires lowering their guard and interacting with their feelings.
This means that the starting point for influencing someone’s position or decision should not be building a logical case. Instead, it should be lowering their guard to engage in thoughtful dialogue.
How to Lower a Person’s Guard
To lower someone’s guard, consider applying the following strategies:
- Invest non-urgent time to connect, build trust, and understand. It may not feel productive in the moment, but you should proactively build common ground and rapport. This pays large dividends in later opportunities to persuade and influence.
- Be aware of the subtle signals you send about your psychological safety. Other people constantly scan behavior and nonverbals to determine whether it’s safe to let their guard down. The initial impression, the interactions, and any advice you may give are all analyzed under the microscope of the other person’s amygdala. Consider the small nuances of how you look and sound and what you say and do. These small things could make or break the chance to get people to change their mind.
- Focus more on the big picture than the details. The big picture connects more to how people see value, and it’s more inspiring than details. While there is a time and place for details, it’s usually not when you are trying to change someone’s mind. Consider the story of the three bricklayers. When asked to discuss their work, one described the bricks, the second described the wall, and the third described the palace. Same work. Different ways of talking about it. Palace-builders influence others more than bricklayers because they inspire people toward a shared and exciting vision.
- Tell relatable stories that illustrate the benefits of change. Stories are memorable, understandable, and emotional. Great stories create tension as the hero faces a crisis. Invite others to enter into a similar story and become a hero. This will provoke their emotions to engage in new ways.
- Frame meetings and discussions within the bigger picture. Remind people of what’s at stake in the discussion to avoid tangents and pitfalls. Set a clear agenda even for informal discussions to ensure dialogue is collaborative and begins with you seeking to understand rather than seeking to be understood.
If you want another person to truly change their mind, they have to be willing to lower their guard and have an open dialogue about their feelings, emotions, and experiences. That willingness starts with you. Avoid logic and pursue unguarded dialogue instead.
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