Forget Yourself to be a Better Public Speaker
This post was originally published on May 17, 2016. It has been modified and was republished on August 12, 2019.
When I rowed crew in college, the races (and practices) were punishing. From the moment we touched the boat on land to the moment we put it back into the rack, the one thing we listened to was the instructions of the coxswain. He told us what to do and how to think. It not only created a unified focus, but it also quieted the other voices of pain, fear, and anxiety that come with that sport. Back then, I did not think this practice would help me become a better public speaker in the future, but it did.
Recently, as I was getting set to deliver several large, high-stakes presentations, those days of rowing crew came to mind.
What to Focus on While Speaking to be a Better Public Speaker
I still get nervous about public speaking. Although I coach people on presentation skills, and I do a lot of presenting in my job, I still feel the nervous energy, and I still sometimes get short of breath. To this day, I’m haunted by memories from early in my career of panic attacks in corporate conference rooms.
Those memories were acutely sharp as I faced my upcoming high-stakes presentations. So to calm my nerves and increase my impact, I continuously reminded myself of this one thing:
It’s not about you. It’s about the audience. Don’t ask what you want out of this. Ask what they need from you.
Reminding myself of this makes me a much better public speaker. When I present in front of groups, I need one clear message in my mind to create focus and quiet the voices of pain, fear, and anxiety. Paying attention to this one thing is like paying attention to my coxswain during a race.
It’s not about you.
This call to self-forgetfulness relaxes me and allows me to shift from performance to presence. It relaxes my breathing and regulates my pace, allowing me to be in the moment. I can be spontaneous, emotional, powerful and flexible—whatever the group needs that I can give. Based on what they need, I consider how I can impact what they are thinking, saying, doing and feeling.
It changes the perspective. It’s about, as Dale Carnegie says, “try[ing] honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.”
So what presentation do you have coming up? Is there an important meeting on the horizon where you’ll want to make sure you have a voice? How do you prepare yourself to be a better public speaker?
To have an impact, be self-forgetful. Focus on this one thing:
It’s not about you. It’s about the audience.
Only then can you allow yourself to go with their flow.
Matt, I appreciate being on your distribution list. At age 85 and learning to lead a new life as a recent widower, I still get a meaningful lesson from each blog. I’m now my own customer/client–so I am both teacher and learner. Age and life situation do not matter. It’s never to late to learn. Thank you for your helpful lessons.
Rod, thank you so much for your comment. I’m glad that you get value from the posts. It’s inspiring and instructive that you are still learning and changing. Your example motivates me to never stop learning. Thank you again.
Matt, another way of potentially looking at this is, “how can I Serve?”. I’ve used that technique for almost all of my conversations with people, whether they be coffee talks or sales meetings. I even talked with my son who had a job interview today to have the goal of seeing how he could serve.
That mindset changes focus from you to them. It allows you to ask questions to learn more about needs and it enables you to tell the relatable stories that bring forth solid connection.
I also read a story about one of Google’s early employees (I forget his name). He’s a Chinese gentleman and the story describes how he was on a panel that included a Nobel Laureate, an UN ambassador and other high level people. He’s just a person that doesn’t speak English well. However, he also know that he could serve the audience because he had something of value to bring. As the discussion went on, he remained focused on where he could provide value.
Thanks for all the great insights.