How Mature Are You Really?
Harvard psychologist Robert Kegan suggests that most people never become high-functioning adults who think for themselves. Becoming a fully functioning adult, according to Kegan, requires transformation away from dependent thinking. He theorizes that people need to transform through five stages (including what drives choices):
- Stage 1 – Impulsive Mind (immediate gratification)
- Stage 2 – Imperial Mind (self-interest and personal agenda)
- Stage 3 – Socialized Mind (relationships/culture and perception of others)
- Stage 4 – Self-Authoring Mind (independent self-perception and values,)
- Stage 5 – Interconnected Mind (personal growth and adaptability)
What stage are you in?
If you’re like most of the adult population (approximately 60%), you’re in Stage 3 of maturity, the Socialized Mind. That means your thoughts and beliefs are primarily formed through your relationships with others, their perceptions, the environment around you, how many likes you get on social media and what others think about you.
A smaller proportion (only 35%) has matured to Stage 4, having independent values and self-perception, while very few adults (less than 1% of the population) have matured to the Stage 5 Interconnected Mind, where you not only think for yourself but you’re able to change your mind, hold multiple ideologies in tension, and embrace continual growth.
Why do so few adults ever reach full “maturity”? According to Kegan, it’s because growth is too painful. He compares the transformation at each stage to the process of being born, in which the child must leave the comforts and dependencies of the womb. In short, it requires some level of suffering.
If that’s true, our maturity in life depends, in large measure, upon our willingness to embrace the suffering that comes when you release your attachments to selfishness, the opinions of others, and the safety of dogma. It’s not a question of whether maturity requires suffering. It unquestionably does.
French philosopher Henri Bergson said, “To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.”
Those who remain in stages 1-3 are trapped in a cycle of frustration, selfishness, and anxiety. Stages 4-5 lead to freedom and a life of flourishing.
In what ways could you grow to a higher stage of maturity?
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