Leadership Requires Facing the Hard Feelings of Others
Social interactions have been key to human survival for thousands of years. So it’s not surprising that hard feelings like rejection, disapproval or disappointment from others can be nearly intolerable.
For example, one executive I know is currently facing the massively difficult task of possibly removing one of his key leaders. Several employees have complained about this longtime leader, and some have even left the company because of him.
The leader’s operating results are good. He’s also a friend to the executive and many others. And he’s very skilled at explaining the employee complaints and departures. Despite continued attempts over years of coaching and feedback, he’s not going to change. And employees haven’t stopped complaining and leaving.
Will this executive go through with the removal, knowing the hard feelings he’ll have to face if he does? The enormous rejection, disapproval and disappointment from a longtime leader and friend? It’s borderline intolerable.
Honoring Your Heart but Following Your Head
While our extended family was on holiday recently, the kids concocted a plan to change the travel logistics so they’d have more time to play together. The adults conferred privately about this plan and decided that the change in logistics would produce minimal short-term fun for the kids at the expense of longer-term frustration. “My heart wants me to let the kids do this, but my head tells me it’s not the right decision,” one of the adults acknowledged in the adults-only meeting.
So we made the decision and walked out of the room to announce it to the kids.
However…
While we were in the room, the kids had already packed their bags and were mobilized to execute their plan. When we announced that their plan hadn’t been approved, the response was…sobbing.
At that point, several of the adults (I admit I was one of them), started softening—er, crumbling.
“Well, I don’t know…Maybe we should think this through again?”
Then, finally, in a moment of clarity and conviction:
“Wait! I’m sorry. I know this is hard and the decision could be argued either way. But we’ve made this decision. We’re sticking with it.”
More sobbing.
In hindsight, the decision proved to be the right one. Thank goodness we were able to tolerate the intolerable. We honored the hearts but followed our heads.
The next time you’re called on to make a tough call, will you stand tall or soften in the face of rejection, disapproval or disappointment?
Taking a Cue from Personal Trainers
Several years ago, I attended a very intense and painful group fitness class at my local gym. The instructor was well-regarded as the top personal trainer at this gym. She’d been successfully getting people in shape for years.
Now that several years have passed, I don’t remember anything about what we did in that class. I just remember something she shouted to the group:
I expect you hate me now, but you’ll love me later!
The trainer prioritized mission over feelings.
Mission lasts; feelings change. While it’s important to understand, consider and sympathize with feelings, feelings may impede mission.
Are you raising a child to become a productive adult? Are you building a high-performing team? Developing a new product? Creating an organization that has impact on shareholders and the world?
If you care about building something for the future, expect rejection, disapproval and disappointment. It’s your job as a leader to embrace this massively difficult task of facing the hard feelings of others. Prioritize the mission over feelings.
What mission are you advancing that will require you to face hard feelings?
How will you prepare yourself to stand tall?
Comments are closed here.