One Skill Most People Need to Improve to Gain Cooperation
I’m in the process of recruiting people to participate in a few events I’m hosting. I’m aware every time I send an invitee an email that I’m dependent upon them to achieve my goals.
It would be easiest to not take on this recruiting effort, or to just blast out some information and hope people sign up to attend. But that’s not the path to cooperation.
To build cooperation, we need things from other people, like support, ideas, money, time, and encouragement to achieve our goals in work and in life.
How do we overcome our obstacles to seeking out and gaining cooperation? I’ve found that the answer lies in one learned skill that most people do not do well, or don’t do enough.
It’s the skill of making a request.
Without a request (or an “ask” or an “invitation”), our wants and needs go unexpressed, and people are less likely to engage in cooperation.
Even when people do make the request, though, they don’t always do it effectively. Here are four common mistakes that can impede cooperation.
- Passive/aggressive. Dropping judgmental hints usually doesn’t get others interested in cooperation. Sometimes people will ask questions like, “Do you really need to do it that way?” or say things like, “Ok well if that’s what you’re going to do.” (Picture that with a shrug and eyebrow raise.) These hints hope the other person will feel pressured to cooperate without explicitly asking them.
- Assuming/complaining. Many leaders (myself included) do this when they have expectations of others. You assume that people should work certain hours or do things a certain way because isn’t it obvious that’s the right way? When others don’t meet those expectations, the leader privately complains, “People don’t work hard anymore.”
- Telling/dictating. Some people direct rather than build cooperation: “I need you to do this.” It might be because they’re rushed or in a hurry, or because they are in charge or know that person has the expertise needed. That’s fine if you’re in a crisis or simply don’t have the answers you’re looking for. Usually, though, being told what to do doesn’t elicit feelings of true cooperation.
- Hoping/praying. Often people make a pitch for something and then just hope people act. Send an email with information about an opportunity and leave it up to people to respond. “I don’t want to come across as pushy,” people will rationalize. “Won’t people do it if they see the value?” This could also be called spraying and praying, as in, spray your ideas out there and pray that someone acts. The reality is, that most people don’t act unless they get a personalized, specific request.
Now that we’ve seen what doesn’t work, let’s look at how to make an effective request:
- Be clear about your needs. Very often we don’t make requests of others because we haven’t clearly defined our own needs. Do we want advice, someone to listen to us, an introduction to someone else, a favor, or assistance with a task? If it’s assistance, what’s needed, when do the steps need to be completed, and what are the parameters for completion?
- Ensure it’s truly a request, not a demand. “Make people feel important, and do it sincerely,” wrote Dale Carnegie. You wouldn’t demand, coerce, or push someone into something if you thought they were a very important person, would you? Of course not. Show respect for the other person’s independence.
- Seek dialogue over a decision. Many times, the best request is to engage in meaningful dialogue. While some requests are simple and binary (“Can you help me carry this heavy table?”), most requests require some explanation and/or conversation about what the request is, why it might be important to the other person, and whether it aligns with their goals and capacity.
Like you, I need to get cooperation from many people to do meaningful things in life – like getting people to attend my upcoming events.
Much of our success in endeavors like these depends on our ability to make requests.
Where could you be making clearer and more compelling requests in the weeks ahead?
