Playing All of the Keys

Inspiring leaders show a full range of emotions.  It endears people to them because it makes them human.  It causes people to believe in them because emotions show that they are real and that they care.

My most inspired and inspiring moments have come through lightness of humor and joy or depth of grief or anger.  These darker emotions scare most of us, though, because we tell ourselves that they make us look weak, frightening, or out of control.  And sometimes they do.  So we set guardrails to limit them from surfacing, in order to be approved.  We unlearn how to play all of the keys on the piano.

This week, I saw a leader who describes himself as “mechanical” and “systems-oriented” stand in front of his entire team and tell a story of being verbally shredded by his college baseball coach for his “toxic” presence.  How he returned to the bench, sitting next to his teammates, and wept for being so “exposed”.  And how he couldn’t stop crying, left the field and was greeted by his Dad, who hugged him.  He told the story with a catch in his voice and a glaze in his eyes and declared it as a marking moment in his faith.  It was real.  And as he finished, his team caught him like a rock star jumping off the stage, because they were moved by him.

Let’s learn from this leader and consider four steps to effectively playing the all of the keys:

1. Reflect back.  The limbic system of our brain has long been associated with emotional memory and can be explored through autobiographical elaboration (storytelling) and self-introspection (remembering).  Creating spaces and places to remember our own narrative and our accompanying emotions can resurface the emotions as though the event itself is happening again.
2. Drop it down.  For effective and meaningful communication about emotions, Albert Mehrabian in the late 1960s at UCLA, demonstrated that it’s not just what we say but how we say it.  He said that the sound of our voice and the way we look represents 93% of our conveyance of emotion.  Playing the full piano means allowing the full breadth of our words, voice and body to show the emotion we carry.
3. Just go there.  At a recent training program I conducted on “Effective Listening”, I was convicted of my duplicity as I simultaneously facilitated the session and reflected on my lack of desire to be present with and really listen to my own family the night prior.  So I admitted to the group that I often take for granted the people I love the most.  I could barely finish that sentence.  And as the group in front of me watched my emotional confession, the nodding heads and bodies leaning forward in chairs said “this resonates”.
4. Bring it forward.  Emotion connected to purpose leads to engagement.  Consultant Robert Fritz suggests that successful leaders provoke positive change when they clearly address reality and then cast a compelling vision for the future.  Leaders who learn to play all of the keys on the piano – the highs and the lows – the hard realities and the promise of tomorrow – will play music that inspires.

Can you recall a leader’s emotional disclosure that inspired you and built trust?

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