Responding Rather than Reacting to Life’s Inevitable Challenges
In any leadership role, whether you’re running a family, a team, or an organization — or even in running your own life — there are three inevitables you’ll encounter:
- Difficult people
- Stressful events
- Hard choices
As you face each of these, you have a choice: You can either respond or you can react.
Responding is controlled, productive and usually calm. Reacting is…not.
The choice you make will dictate your personal wellbeing, relationships, and overall effectiveness.
My good friend who runs a chain of bakeries is a great example of responding vs. reacting. As a baseline, he’s dealing with the daily challenges of running multiple bakeries during a pandemic alongside rising costs due to inflation, supply chain delays, and labor shortages.
On top of all that, recently one of his stores was partially burned out by a fire someone started in a nearby dumpster. Then, while he was out of town for his son’s baseball tournament, he learned about a carbon monoxide leak in another store. He had to leave his son behind at 4:30 in the morning and drive six hours home to deal with that issue.
While my friend faces big decisions about how much to invest in new equipment and capital improvements, he also had one more issue to deal with. In the days following the leak, an employee filed a complaint for carbon monoxide poisoning — although it seemed apparent that the claim was illegitimate. This longtime employee was lying to take advantage of the company.
Difficult people. Stressful events. Hard choices.
Many people in this situation would:
- Lose their patience
- Lash out at others
- Blame
- Criticize
- Complain
- Detach
- Worry
- Ruminate
- Look for ways to “escape”
- Defend their own actions
These kinds of reactions would then cause others to increase their own stress, return criticism, blame, and disengage.
Ask yourself, do you ever create stress in others and cause them to avoid you?
That’s not the case with my friend who runs the bakeries. He’s concerned, frustrated, and uneasy of course. But he’s also calm, focused, and remains a non-anxious presence around others.
Setting Yourself Up to Respond vs. React
When I asked my friend how he’s able to stay grounded amid the challenges, here’s what he told me:
“I make time every morning to get my head and heart right.”
He added that he wakes up early enough to avoid demands and distractions and do what brings him joy and reminds him what he values. One of these things is studying languages. You’ll find him alone in his office in the quiet, early hours of the day reciting his French or rehearsing his German. He loves languages and values the ability to connect and communicate with other cultures.
What brings you joy and reminds you what you value?
“Joy” and “value” aren’t fleeting words. They don’t imply immediate gratification. They suggest investments in what matters most and what will have the greatest return over time.
You might:
- Pray
- Meditate
- Exercise
- Read
- Spend time with a pet
- Stretch
- Connect with people you love
Joy and value can involve screens but should keep distractions at bay and bring a spirit of peace. If it’s tempting to start checking work email or clicking on advertisements, it’s probably not the best activity to produce joy and value.
What you’re aiming for is a head and heart that are ready to respond rather than react to the inevitable people, events, and choices that the day will bring.
Non-reactive leadership. Non-reactive parenting. Non-reactive living.
Despite the inevitable people, events, and choices, can you remain non-reactive?
What could you do to set yourself up to more consistently respond rather than react?
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