I am advising a leader right now who has high expectations of others. Someone on her team can’t seem to meet those expectations on a project, and there isn’t much flexibility to upskill, move, or replace them. It is creating tension. The leader has three choices in the face of this tension: absorb it, avoid
I’ve previously discussed the principle that Dale Carnegie determined would be number one in his book on relationships and influence: Don’t Criticize, Condemn, or Complain. Being critical, judging, or complaining not only hinders trust, but it also makes it hard to get others to see things your way. But just why is that the case?
On a Minneapolis radio station in the early 90s, a satirical disc jockey called the Chucker used to conduct hilarious interviews of famous people. The Chucker was obnoxious. The bigger the celebrity’s ego, the more the Chucker would frustrate them with his demoralizing behavior. Go listen to the recordings. They’ll make you squirm. Perhaps some
Complaining reached its peak in our house recently. Kids complaining about food, about homework, and about each other. Us complaining about kids complaining. Us complaining about work, about how busy we are and about something the other did or didn’t do. We have a lot of happiness and love in our family, but we’d slipped
This post was originally published on August 14, 2018. It was modified and republished on July 29, 2019. What is the power of the pause? To put it to light, think about a time when two or more people were cordial and cooperative. That is until someone said something that changed the dynamic. Suddenly, someone
I was part of an ugly exchange a few weeks ago with a delivery driver in my neighborhood. One that taught me the importance of being better instead of bitter, a phrase you may have come across before but paid little attention to until a certain scenario brought it to light. I’m embarrassed to tell
When a person is guarded, it is almost impossible to have an influence on them. Perhaps you can coerce, control, or manipulate them, but persuade, influence, or gain their cooperation? Not so much. Ask a trained hostage negotiator. Former lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI, Chris Voss, says: Though the intensity may differ from
What’s something you need in order to feel OK? What keeps you balanced? Is it approval from others? Your health? Productivity? Being organized? Being right? Winning? Financial security? All of these can be good things. But because you need that thing to stay balanced, you’ll run into a problem when someone starts to pull it
Are you dealing with relationship tension or conflict this holiday season? Feeling bitter or resentful toward anyone? Consider, just for a moment, that there may be another side to the story you’re telling yourself. Here’s an example: A client recently hired me to coach their leadership team, a process that started with me interviewing each
Think of a recent example of interpersonal conflict in your life that did not go well. If you’re like most people, conflict can often lead to resentment and frustration. After all, it’s only natural to power up or shut down when conflict arises. We see it all the time in society. And, it’s in our
Matt Norman is president of Norman & Associates, which offers Dale Carnegie Training in the North Central US. Dale Carnegie Training is a global organization ...READ MORE