When a person is guarded, it is almost impossible to have an influence on them. Perhaps you can coerce, control, or manipulate them, but persuade, influence, or gain their cooperation? Not so much. Ask a trained hostage negotiator. Former lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI, Chris Voss, says: Though the intensity may differ from
A good friend of mine recently offered an interesting perspective from the top of the organization he leads. He remarked that leaders (of any organization, team, community, or family) should expect to continuously have to make complex and ambiguous decisions. After all, if they weren’t complex or ambiguous, they would have been decided at lower
When is a question more than just a question? Here’s a good example: Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? That’s actually advice disguised as a question. The problem is, rather than generating dialogue, these kinds of questions often elicit a defense like: I’ve tried…I’ve thought of that…That won’t work because… Do you ever ask
Of the 50 or so graduating seniors that heard me speak last week, two of them sent me an email asking for advice and help with getting a job. There’s something a little awkward about boldly taking that step, but they did it. What inside them made them do it? I thought about this after
What role do your eyes play in building relationships? Quite a bit, according to a new study highlighted in the Wall Street Journal. It found that human beings are unique among animals in how we reveal and interpret our emotions through our eyes. The eyes really are the window to the soul, and since the
Last week I talked about three of the people who have inspired me recently. Every week we can find these moments of inspiration, both large and small, if we’re willing to look for them. Who moved you this week? Who made you sit up taller, think more clearly or engage more deeply? Here are three
Who moved you this week? Who made you sit up taller, think more clearly or engage more deeply? Here are three lessons of inspiration I learned this week. 1. Being flawed is being human. In telling me about his journey of accepting being flawed and broken, Dave talked about his desire to be perfect and
As a leader, there will be times when you’ll need to change someone’s behavior or mindset. If you’re like most of us, your instinct will be to put your powers of persuasion to work, to come up with all the best arguments to sway the person. Persuasion, which relies on logic and wit, is an
It’s hard to persuade someone to think or do something they are not inclined to do. People often don’t have the need-to, want-to, can-do or will-do attitude to change. Whether or not we’re successful in the attempt usually comes down to a single important decision we make about how we will go about persuading the
Last week, I watched a leader do the tango, cha-cha, two-step, waltz and breakdance in front of his people. No, he wasn’t literally dancing, but seeing how he inspired, motivated and got buy-in from his team, I was struck by how his flexibility and performance were no less extraordinary than an artist’s at peak form.
Matt Norman is president of Norman & Associates, which offers Dale Carnegie Training in the North Central US. Dale Carnegie Training is a global organization ...READ MORE