The Cold Hard Truth About Self-Regulation’s Role in Leadership and Influence
It’s not easy to lead or influence when you’re struggling to cope with the stress or frustrations of the moment or with anxieties about what might happen in the future. This is why self-regulation is such an important quality for leaders.
According to Verywell Mind, self-regulation is the ability to act in a way that considers long-term consequences rather than just transient feelings.
Other experts define it as the ability to monitor and manage your energy states, emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that are acceptable and produce positive results such as well-being, loving relationships, and learning.
How well are you self-regulating?
Some signs that you might struggle with self-regulation are that you frequently:
- ruminate on what others think of you or what catastrophes might come to be.
- feel impatient or angry with others.
- avoid painful or hard things.
- overeat, overexplain, oversleep, or overextend yourself.
- compromise your mood or your authenticity based on the anxiety swirling around you.
- feel frustrated that life isn’t going according to your plans or expectations.
With the weight of all of that bearing down on you, it’s not going to be easy to live up to your role as a leader or influencer of others.
Diving into the Discomfort
Could spending some time in extreme discomfort help you become better at self-regulating? It sounds strange, but Wim Hof might be on to something when it comes to self-regulation.
The eccentric Dutchman celebrated his 61st birthday last year by sitting for 61 minutes in an ice bath. Top researchers around the world are now studying the mental, emotional, and physical benefits of his crazy stunts, which usually involve shockingly cold endurance.
It’s not just the academics who are taking notice. Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey and thousands of others during the pandemic have sought out Hof and his proteges for coaching, advice, and experiences. They’ve come to the conclusion that staying in ice-cold water not only reduces physical inflammation; it also reduces the brain’s automatic fight-or-flight response to discomfort.
Are You Getting More or Less Comfortable as You Age?
Sitting in ice reminds me of a family trip we took a few years ago on a cold February weekend to Northern Minnesota. What I remember most about that weekend was ice fishing — not because of the fishing but because of Tim, the volunteer who sat in the fishing house on the frozen lake all day (for no pay) to help families that wanted to try it.
Tim wore an Ironman hat, which he explained came from his first Ironman Triathlon a couple years prior. At one point during the fishing, he made a comment that I’ve not been able to get out of my head since:
Matt, I did my first Ironman at age 52. Despite being more physically capable at age 32, I couldn’t have done it then. I wasn’t willing or able to manage discomfort like that back then. The more I’ve grown, the more I’ve figured out how and why to tolerate severe discomfort.
Now he continues to do Ironmans and gives up his Saturday to sit on a freezing lake to help families learn to ice fish.
I’ve thought so much about that conversation and have realized something:
Everyone has the potential to do greater things if they’re willing to tolerate more discomfort.
In other words, the more comfortable we become with discomfort, the more impact we could have in the world.
But sadly, most of us aren’t making choices like Wim Hof or Tim do. We tend to pursue lives of greater comfort as we age. We surround ourselves with escapes, coping mechanisms, excuses, justifications, and like-minded people.
Because of this, we get less comfortable with discomfort. We become less likely to realize our potential, to do great things. We don’t improve our ability to self-regulate in stressful situations.
Let’s not let it happen that way for us! Let’s resist our brain’s natural inclination to avoid discomfort and self-protect.
Maybe it’s doing something that pushes your physical limits. Perhaps it’s working with a coach or therapist to see yourself more honestly and grow. Maybe it’s saying “yes” to something that scares you. Whatever it is, just keep doing it despite the discomfort. Improve your reaction to the automatic stress response.
Remember that great leaders and influencers build self-regulation by continuously doing hard things. They find the ice baths and sit in them.
Where’s your next ice bath?
Comments are closed here.