Three Practical Tips to Delight Everyone Around You
One summer while away at college, my roommate and I rode our bikes 10 miles through the city of Boston to the ocean. We randomly arrived to see streams of elegantly dressed people moving toward a large pavilion.
“What’s happening?” we asked.
“John Denver concert!”
Wow, we thought. This looked incredible. To see John Denver perform live under the stars next to the ocean in the heart of Boston!
Then, to our utter amazement, someone handed us two tickets. “We can’t use them,” they explained.
But what do we do with our bikes? And we haven’t eaten anything. And we’re not dressed like anyone here!
We expected that this wasn’t going to work out…until…
A security guard noticed our dilemma.
The guard pointed to a nearby fence and said if we put our bikes behind it, he’d watch them for us during the concert. He went on to reassure us that what we were wearing was fine and then directed us to a restaurant across the street. “If you go quickly, you might have time for some food.”
We thanked the guard profusely and ran across the street, only to find a line out the door of the restaurant. With the concert starting in 45 minutes, our expectations were low that we’d be able to get in. One of us nudged our way to the front to inquire about the wait and explain our dilemma.
With a wink and a smile, the woman at the entrance quietly whispered: I’ll take care of you.
The Power of Moments
Why do I still remember that summer day so vividly, 26 years later? It’s not just the concert itself. Research suggests that our best memories and most positive feelings about events come from those moments when our expectations are exceeded.
We move through life with expectations about how things will go. And if those expectations are met, we won’t remember or feel as much as we do when our expectations are exceeded or when they’re not met.
What’s the broader lesson here for you and me?
One answer, of course, is to manage your expectations. Hold them loosely so you’re not as easily disappointed.
More importantly, though, you and I can continuously monitor the expectations of others so that we can delight rather than disappoint.
Exceed expectations and you’ll imprint a lasting, positive memory with someone and solidify your supportive feelings toward the people and events that contributed.
Fail to live up to what’s expected and you’ll leave a lasting, negative memory.
How to Delight, Not Disappoint
Think of it as a “+1 approach” to life. Here are three quick, practical ideas to +1 or “delight” someone to leave a lasting, positive memory:
- Pay attention. You have to know where you’re starting from in order to give plus one. Ideally, others will explicitly tell you their expectations or you’ll have a chance to ask if they don’t offer it proactively. However, there isn’t always an opportunity. That’s why we need to watch, listen, and discern people’s expectations.
For instance, in a meeting you might pause frequently to check in with attendees for their reactions. In a 1-1 with a team member, you could ask questions like, “How are you feeling about your job?” or “What’s surprising you about your work?” With a customer, consider regularly asking, “What feedback do you have so far?” or “How does this align with your expectations?” - Avoid -1 words. Certain words and phrases signal to others that they’re about to be disappointed. Words like “unfortunately” should be avoided as much as possible. Instead of saying, “Unfortunately, we don’t have capacity for that right now,” reframe the broader picture to put the person’s expectations in perspective — for example, “While we don’t have capacity for that right now, what we can do is…” or “Yeah, I wish we could do that too, but let’s talk about your highest priority needs to ensure that you’re getting what’s most important to you.”
- Explore +1 opportunities. Simply get in the habit of asking “What else would be helpful?” or “What are other ways I can add value?” Notice these questions start with “what,” not “is” or “are.” As I’ve written before, it’s important to prompt with open-ended assumptive words so that you’re more likely to get a response. It’s too easy to answer “No, I’m fine” when someone asks, “Is there anything else you need?”
I’ll never forget the positive feelings I have toward John Denver, Leader Bank Pavilion, and Jimbo’s restaurant across the street. My roommate and I still talk about the security guard and hostess…
Imagine the impact you might have if you were to commit to +1 everyone you interact with this week.
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