What an Educator Can Teach You About Dealing with People
If you ever thought your job would be a whole lot easier if you didn’t have to deal with people, imagine what it’s like to be the principal of a middle school.
Talk about having to deal with people: First you have the teachers — young and old, science and band, engaged and checked out. Then you have the students — the dozens and dozens of students, representing different socioeconomic backgrounds and family systems…and they’re all going through puberty. And, of course, you have other administrators, parents, coaches, and school board members, often with competing views and priorities.
With all of those dynamics to navigate, it’s clear that the best school administrators know a thing or two about how to effectively deal with people. My friend Rich Larson is one of those administrators, and I’ve learned a lot from him about how he works with and through others. He’s not perfect, but he’s really good.
Rich offers some instructive examples that can apply to anyone in any field:
- Keep your human relations skills sharp. Rich keeps a copy of Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” at his bedside. Many nights, he opens the book to review key ideas and remind himself to be intentional. He estimates he reads through the entire book at least once a year. “It’s not that I don’t know how to deal with people,” he says. “It’s that I need to be reminded as the people and circumstances change.”
- Study names and facts about people. To develop personal connections, you need to be thoughtful about it. Rich studies students names and maintains a Google doc listing teachers and colleagues, along with their children’s names and other important facts. The more influence you have, the more people you deal with. The more people you deal with, the harder it is to remember who they are and what they care about. If you don’t work hard at it, you’ll limit your influence.
- Proactively show up. Dealing with people is always more difficult when you’re reactive about it. When you’re proactive in reaching out to people, it tells people that you prioritize them and are available. Rich has learned that it’s important to his teachers that he visit their classrooms. Rather than just doing it once per teacher, and then retreating to his office to get things done, he holds himself to an ongoing schedule. The schedule prompts him to show up, even when he doesn’t feel like it.
- Value people, especially in hard conversations. Friction is the true test of dealing with people. Rich recalls an instance when a colleague sent a public email advocating against his approach to leading a large change initiative. Rather than sending back a “reply all” email or avoiding the issue, he immediately sought the person out, saying, “I value and respect you, and I want to have a working relationship with you that’s built on mutual trust. If you have concerns, I want to hear them, but I don’t want to read about it on a public email to all staff.” He then added, “I hope you desire trust and a good working relationship also. Can we do this differently next time? You’re an important part of the success of this school.” Anyone in a people management position knows that difficult conversations are part of it. Rich’s approach first affirms the person, establishes their common goals and shared interests, and then tackles the tough topic. He makes a point to listen and understand the other’s perspective while making expectations clear. Finally, he closes the conversation by again affirming the person and their contributions/value to the community.
Rich would be the first to tell you that even he still needs to get better. He constantly reads, listens to podcasts, and seeks out coaching. He knows that work would be easier if he didn’t have to deal with people. But his value comes much less from the work he gets done, and much more from the way he deals with others. Perhaps the same is true for you.
In what ways could you be more intentional about how you deal with people?
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