Why Behavior and Emotion Spreads and What to Do About It
Recently, after stopping in a hardware store with my sons, one of them pointed out that my accent had shifted. Apparently, without realizing it, I spoke to the man working in the hardware store with a very strong “Minnesota accent.” It was surprising to have this pointed out since I didn’t notice the shift.
According to behavioral researchers, humans (and animals) switch their behavior all the time to match those around them. For instance, fish have been found to copy each other’s behavior in mathematically predictive ways as they swim around in a school. One fish goes to check out a floating piece of kelp, others will follow.
At Yale University, Dr. John Bargh and his colleagues have labeled this the “chameleon effect,” a phenomenon in which people, especially those of status, can get others to unconsciously copy their behavior. They famously conducted an experiment where subjects were interviewed by someone who occasionally made strange movements. As she touched her face more, the subjects would start touching their face. As she folded her legs more, the subjects unconsciously did the same.
Bargh’s colleague at Yale, Dr. Laurie Santos, also the host of the popular podcast The Happiness Lab, has further found that not just behavior but emotions are contagious. When one family member, especially a parent, or when one colleague, especially a leader, is in an anxious mood, that mood quickly passes to others around them.
Surely you’ve felt this. You’re in a meeting and the boss is particularly impatient and harsh. You start to feel yourself getting insecure, stressed, uptight.
If you haven’t felt it, then you might just be the one who has changed the tone of a meeting by your emotions!
This is what’s called emotional contagion.
It’s like the banking contagion that occurred when Silicon Valley Bank and other regional banks collapsed last week.
A few people make a run on the bank for their deposits and quickly the entire institution crashes under an avalanche of requests for funds.
Let’s remember: Emotion and behavior are contagious.
Watch Out for What Might Infect You!
During flu season, or during a viral outbreak, you’re likely to keep a safe distance from others, wash your hands and build your immunity through physical care.
Likewise, you can watch out for people around you who may be infected by bad behavior or moods — especially fear and anxiety. Just like you’d protect yourself from a physical virus, you can differentiate yourself by choosing to keep your mood separate.
To do this, acknowledge their behavior or mood and affirm to yourself that you don’t need them to be ok for you to be ok, that you’ll remain connected to them while staying emotionally and behaviorally separate.
Watch Out for How You Might Infect Others!
Especially if you’re in any position of authority or status, realize that your actions and mood will be “caught” by others. If you’re in a bad mood, it might be best to quarantine yourself if possible. For example, if you’re not going to follow the process or if you’re freaking out, be discrete.
One of the greatest responsibilities leaders have is to model what they expect and manage emotions that might infect.
If you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you know that I’m a huge Edwin Friedman fan. He makes a compelling case that the most important act of a leader is to manage their own emotions.
Sometimes it’s fun and helpful to switch your behavior or emotions. I enjoy talking in a Minnesota accent, and it might make me more relatable to locals!
But contagion can have consequences that every leader should prepare for and manage.
Where do you see behavioral or emotional contagion in your organization or family?
Matt, as you know, I enjoy your posts very much. I feel compelled to challenge this thinking, somewhat. What is running through my head is your comment about leaders ‘managing their own emotions’ and being an authentic leader of which being true to your humanity and varying emotions is a part.
I am completely on board with separating yourself if your emotions are strong and could have a negative impact. However, I see an opportunity for a leader to profess and admit where their emotional state is – espectially within individual and small group situations. We all have been in various emotional states. I’ve found great benefit in acknowledging one’s emotional state to the group and to themselves. Calling out your emotional state to the group helps them understand what is going on and gives the leader the opportunity to consider that state in the moment. Others in the conversation can also consider it and help the leader be accountable to themselves, the conversation and the team. The others are allowed to be more authentic.
Now, when a leader is roaming around the halls and the mood and body language can be seen by random people without context, managing emotions is probably more needed.
Emotions are contagious, absolutely. I reference a study in my book that outlined how postive, companionate love, had widespread impact in organizations, just like negative attitudes infect them. I posit that leaders acknowledging authentically where they are at can also be contagious in allowing others to be authentic and to endorse a process to acknowledge it.
Erik, thanks so much for your thoughtful insights here. I’m glad you added this perspective and referenced your wonderful book.
I agree completely that authentically sharing your emotions can be an important approach to building trust and understanding.
Perhaps two clarifications are helpful here. 1) There’s a difference between sharing your emotions and being emotional. The former is purposeful, the latter is reactive. 2) Reactivity based on your passing mood, triggers, or unmet needs can feel unsafe and “contagious” to others if not “managed”. Instead of building trust and understanding, it can cause hesitancy and inhibition in others (ie, “Stay away from John, he blew up at Maria in the meeting this morning.”)
As you say, acknowledging all of it authentically with the right audience is key.